Baby Steps

Heart being gripped eagerly tries to escape
Trying to conceal, trying to hide, yet everything can't stop leaking
Looking at you, the one I can't reach out for
My tiny shadow hides in fear of being noticed

Oh approaching you carefully with my trembling steps
Oh somehow the nearer I get the greater the fear grows -- are you fading away?

One, two, my mind, three, four, my breathe, five, six, my whole body
Only looking at you and walk on

The more I cover my eyes the clearer your image gets, it's you it's you
The more I block my ears the more I hear you all day long
It's so difficult to read your eyes
That I grew to only observe your hints

Oh approaching you with my trembling steps once more
Oh come nearer to me, within the distance where my love can be seen

One, two, my mind, three, four, my breathe, five, six, my whole body
Only looking at you and walk on
One, two, yesterday, three, four, today, five six, everyday
Baby steps, walking towards you

Today I'm still walking towards you, with shedding tears
Waiting for the day I touch your heart and lie in your arms, I need you hey

Oh approaching you carefully with my trembling steps
(Oh somebody help me oh somebody help me)
Oh somehow the nearer I get the greater the fear grows
Oh approaching you with my trembling steps once more
Come nearer to me, within the distance where my love can be seen

One, two, my mind, three, four, my breathe, five, six, my whole body
Only looking at you and walk on
One, two yesterday, three, four, today, five six, everyday
Baby steps, walking towards you

22/5/11

告诉自己，是时候了，该睡觉了，反正他也不会打来了，反正他也不会发短信来了，纵使等到天亮结局还是一样...不停告诉着自己事实就是这样,但手上的手机始终都没有放下，心中不停给自己死心的理由，行动却一直在给他一次机会....

或许这并不是在给自己机会吧，或许这只是自己不愿意承认的事实，因为自己还是不死心，除了等待，你根本就不会打电话给她，因为经验已经告诉你，这只会让她反感...

所以除了等，还是等，叫自己别等了，但还是痴痴地在等，叫自己别在意，但表现还是那么在意，叫自己不要胡思乱想，偏偏你不知道，你已经在胡斯乱想了...

等到自己不知觉地睡着了，却感觉到电话好像响了，起身一看，原来什么都没有，盖上了眼睛，但只是一会儿，却还是会拿起电话来看...

一直到你听见了她的来电，听见她说：“你睡啦，那我不吵你了！”可你却还说：“不要紧，陪我聊下吧~”虽然此刻的你已经不知道自己在说什么了,但你依然坚持要陪他多聊几句，或许是为了弥补自己等待时，那颗受尽伤害的心灵吧...

爱一个人就是这样地傻，等了一整夜就是为了几句话，付出许多也不过是要你开心，忍受着一切伤痛就是不让你知道，明明就已经累得神志不清了，却不想让她打来时，告诉她你累了...

12/4/11

我沒有很想你 我只是在早上醒來的時候，看看手機，有沒有你發來的信息,有沒有你的未接來電

我沒有很想你 我只是在上網的時候，首先關注你的空間，看看你最近是不是有更新

我沒有很想你 我只是在聊天的時候，翻閱你發給我的簡訊，看著你的照片，回憶一下那些美好時光

我沒有很想你 我只是餓了，想你會餓嗎，冷了，想你會冷嗎

我沒有很想你 我只是走在大街上看到男男女女，好希望那一對對裡有我們

我沒有很想你 我只是把你的來電調成唯一的鈴音，放在我身邊，並不時的看看是否自動關機，是否信號良好

我沒有很想你 我只是在吃小吃的時候，想如果你能和我一起吃，那該是多幸福的事啊

我沒有很想你 我只是在聽歌的時候，偶爾會被某句歌詞擊中，腦中出現短暫的空白

我沒有很想你 我只是想看看你的樣子，聽聽你的聲音

我沒有很想你 我只是在別人無意提起你的時候，愣在那裡，不知答話

我沒有很想你 我只是在睡前緊握著手機，等待著你的情話，等待著你說晚安

我沒有很想你 我只是睡不著的時候想想你，但是，我不知道我是因為睡不著而想你，還是因為想你而睡不著

我沒有很想你 我只是在每次醒來的時候，第一個想到你

10/1/11

因为有你，我认真过，我改变过，我努力过，我悲伤过……

我傻，为你傻；我痛，为你痛；深夜里，你是我一种惯性的回忆…我不想在为过去而挣扎，我不想在为过去而努力，我不想在为思念而牵挂，可这些都只是不想，我、做不到……

有一种坚持是心痛，有一种放弃是孤独；生命里剩下的只有等待与思念…经历一些事，就读懂一些人…看不透事实的真相，诺言、谎言、开始、结局；真像是躲避不了的寂寞，和寂寞打交道，孤独半生遗忘在某角落里偷窥别人的幸福…

有一种感觉叫学会；有一种后悔叫心碎，时间一天一天的过去，累计一点一点的心痛，直到无法承受，心已死去，你会发现：爱有多深，痛就有多浓。爱过方知情深，醉过后方知酒浓；不爱了还有什么是差距，不想了还有什么是比例．？

当你喜欢一个人的时候，你会怎样做．？你会不会每夜因为想他而不能眠；当你喜欢一个不喜欢自己的人，你会怎么做．？一个人单恋．？一个人痛苦．？还是要为他打拼，为他做更多事，看着他幸福自己就会幸福．？也许是我爱的太无奈，明知道没有结果却偏往死里爱。

或许是爱的越深，伤的越痛，却、越痛越爱！低头、沉默、蹲墙角、数泪…心在说谎，泪在投降！因为害怕伤害，所以选择离开……

因为有你，恋爱的感觉、有过；背叛的感觉、有过；离别的感觉、有过；最后，甚至连死的感觉都有过。

一直等待着你的回头，最后却换来心碎的迷离…这个世界只有你，才能让我明白，什么是爱，什么是痛，痛！已经麻痹了我，无所谓只会让我伤的更深，只怪自己太执着才会让你伤的如此彻底……

看着你的离开，我低头苦笑，眼泪却早已投降，渐渐的才发现你是多么可笑，慢慢地走进我的世界悄悄的偷走我的心，最后却默默地看着你的背影头也不回的离开，走的如此彻底、你的离开让我明白：原来爱情那么脆弱，总是经不起这点折腾，却、我还是选择等待…

我 瞧不起那卑微的爱情，带走了我的思念，留下的只是那苦涩的回忆…仰望45度只为了那个亘古不变的道理，不想让眼泪落下…无所谓的执着，让爱亵读着寂寞，或 许我会离开，只因为爱的太深，陷的太深，伤的太深…爱加深了理解，痛失去了知觉，心痛让我明白.爱；只是无所谓的徘徊！

恋爱时，我们彼此忘记了时间，分手后，时间让我们忘记了彼此，心痛让我找到了沉默的借口，十指紧紧相扣，默念天荒地老…你给我的爱假的太逼真，让我找不到离开的理由，人不到伤痕累累就不会懂得后悔，我是真的爱你，脸上写着无所谓，其实还是很在乎！

人生就像一场戏，谁在为我编排… 、爱情亦如此、但爱情这场戏、我没演技、所以我退出、我选择默默等候、你好像已经看不见我了、无所谓、我会等、等你再次发现我、我还在原地等你、你是否记得我们在一起的那些片段……

19/3/11

I’m a loser, a stubborn, silly loser. I always lose to u.. After so many years, so many thing happen and changed but I guess my feeling toward you still remain almost the same. You still stand a important place in my heart. I always tell myself, thing had changed already and always trying to convince myself that I had already put down and treat you as friend. But did I manage to do that ? It’s always a question mark..

5 years already, it almost 5 years and still you stand such a important place in my heart. I know that no matter what, both of us are just impossible that why I choose the other path and that is to remain good friend and I will still be able to contact and meet u. whenever you tell me something that you might need help or not sure, I will be like thinking all ways to help you. Now I control myself, I told myself not to do that as someone will be helping you with that.

I am always guessing and thinking, do you have a bf already? And if you really have, how would I react to it? Even though I had been telling myself you must had a bf and if there is one day, you tell me that you had a bf, I wonder what will I do or react to it. I love to see you smile coz your smile really brighten up my days and I feel so contented when I see you smile J Can you just continue smiling for me? You know when you say that you miss Taiwan? In my mind, I’m thinking of what can I buy for you at Taiwan and send it to you as small surprises.

Looking through all those stuff that I had type over the past few years, I felt that I am so childish but yet I can sense that I really love you a lot and willing to do anything just for you. Do you know that you’re the only person that can make me feel really happy, really sad, seriously hurt and confused? Maybe you must have think that lulu is the ger that I’m going for now as my fb dp is me &her, my phone wallpaper is me n her. But do you know that if now both of us had taken a new pic, everything will change to that pic. I guess all those dp n all is just a way of me trying to hide thing and will make ppl think that I’d get over you and …

Maybe it only in my dreams that I assume that I already get over you but the fact is I dun even noe what? It a confuse feeling and it me, it myself that …. Sometime I feel that I get over you but sometime I think of you and browse through our sms and all.. I’m just a loser in this kind of stuff. I’m sorry !

Silly Dang signin off ~

My Secret Garden

I noe i had been away for long and finally i'm back to here.. My secret garden :) I try to avoid doing alot of thing that might cause ppl to think that i still have feeling for her like not wishing her on her FB wall and purposely not to be the 1st few to wish her.. I noe that de reason i'm doing all this thing is to avoid stuff and make myself feel that she's nt as impt anymore but i guess I fail as she's still as impt, maybe a very impt yet special fren :)

I send her a b'day msg juz nw at 8 plus and she thought that tis year I forget abt it as i'm usually the 1st few to msg her every year.. I nv actually thought that she would rem that i'm always the 1st few to wish her and she even thought that i forget abt it.. How could I have forget abt it, i'll nv forget abt it.. Ever since de 1st day i noe her, 1st feb 1986 is alreadi saved in my memory and it could nt be deleted anymore..

I did send a b'day card to your house, i hope u'll received it and u'll like it.. Tis year i choose to do smth different and that is to send wishes to u via post ! Eventually i'm still the 1st few to wish u, as i wrote the wishes on 28th jan and i send de card out on 29th jan so i'm still the 1st :) hahahaha.. And i will be the last to wish u also later like wad i've told you juz nw over the smses . No matter wad happen, u noe that whenever u nid me i'll always be there for you :) I hope nth will change between us, i'm happy at least we stil sms n msn each other and will find time to meet each other.. Thank for everything for all this year, i appreciate u, nee :)

你不需要再跟別人去爭奇鬥艷 在我心裡你永遠是最美的夏天
不管季節怎麼變　我都會在你身邊 愛你聽你把你給寵上天

16/11/10

Updates will be made soon :) Recently been busy wif stuff :) PEACE