有時候

有時候，莫名的心情不好，不想和任何人說話，只想一個人靜靜的發呆。有時候，突然覺得心情煩躁，看什麼都覺得不舒服，心裏悶的發慌，拼命想尋找一個出口。有時候，發現身邊的人都不瞭解自己，面對著身邊的人，突然覺得說不出話。有時候，感覺自己與世界格格不入，曾經一直堅持的東西一夜間面目全非。有時候，突然很想逃離現在的生活，想不顧一切收拾自己簡單的行李去流浪。有時候，別人突然對你說，我覺得你變了，然後自己開始百感交集。有時候，希望時間為自己停下，做完己還沒來得及做的事情。有時候，想一個人躲起來脆弱， 不願別人看到自己的傷口。有時候，突然很想哭，卻難過的哭不出來。有時候，夜深人靜，突然覺得不是睡不著，而是固執地不想睡。

有時候，走過熟悉的街角，看到熟悉的背影，突然就想起一個人的臉。有時候，明明自己心裏有很多話要說，卻不知道怎樣表達。有時候，覺得自己擁有著整個世界，一瞬間卻又覺得自己其實一無所有。真的只是有時候，明明自己身邊很多朋友，卻依然覺得孤單。有時候，很想放縱自己，希望自己痛痛快快歇斯底里的發一次瘋。

有時候，突然找不到自己，把自己丟的無影無蹤。有時候，心裏突然冒出一種厭倦的情緒，覺得自己很累很累。有時候，看不到自己未來的樣子，迷茫的不知所措。有時候，發現自己一夜之間長大了。
有時候，聽到一首歌，就會突然想起一個人。有時候，希望能找個人好好疼愛自己，渴望一種安全感。可當那個可以疼你的人出現的時候，你卻偏執地退隱。有時候，別人誤解了自己有口無心的一句話，心裏鬱悶的發慌。

有時候，被別人傷害，嘴上講沒事，其實心裏難過的要死。有時候，常常在回憶裏掙扎，有很多過去無法釋懷。有時候，很容易感動別人的關懷，有時候卻麻木的像個笨蛋。有時候，看著時間一點點流逝，任憑歎息，自己卻無能為力。

其實，有時候，真的會想這麼多。跟朋友裝沉默，跟陌生人講心裏話。對於在乎你的，不想讓他們擔心，有時候，沒有消息就是一種好消息。其實，很想說“我很好”，或許是昧著心說謊，也只是想把最燦爛的一面，

丟了自己，要記得撿回來。

27/9/10

我不知道現在的心情是什麼...

總是隔了很久才打日記總是隔了許久才領悟某些事情，我們總是隔了很久以後才記得該去喜歡自己.. 想把自己關起來一陣子去沈澱一下最近的喜歡和不喜歡..

沒什麼事情要特別去做，只是想著有沒有機會去牽起某雙手.. 好像對於這世界又感到冷漠了，這極端的性格.. 簡單的過其實很困難，像是快樂是種感覺卻很難去達到

我不要你走 我不想放手 却又不能够奢求 同情的温柔 你可以自由 我愿意承受 把昨天 留给我

爱情 ?

若不是因为爱着你 怎么会夜深还没睡意
每个念头都关於你我想你想你好想你

若不是因为爱着你 怎会有不安的情绪
每个莫名的日子里我想你想你好想你

爱是折磨人的东西却又舍不得这样放弃
不停揣测你的心里可有我姓名

爱是我唯一的秘密让人心碎却又着迷
无论是用什么言语只会(只会)思念你

若不是因为爱着你 怎会不经意就叹息
有种不完整的心情爱你爱你(爱着你)

3/9/10

I dunnoe wad's wrong with me.. Out of sudden, i feel soo empty.. My heart seems so empty.. I dun like tis feeling.. I have no mood to do anything and i just wan to talk to someone right now, or i just need some accompany.. I start to miss her already, i need time again to be back to normal.. I know she had reach hm alreadi, and i also hope she could online soon..

走不過的就停擺在那裏，逃不過的又不認命只想輸給自己卻贏不了自己。當你看著眼前的無底洞許久只會越感好奇隨時都會往下墜，而你又怪誰? 我們一直在人生中尋找太多答案，而當我們要到了這些所謂的答案，是妳想聽見的看見的嗎? 還是結局是哭喪著臉笑自己這些年來這麼愚蠢可悲的盲目追求那些自找麻煩的枷鎖，卻是早已是分裂成灰的結。

怕過於轟烈嗎?還是過度沉靜?

30/8/10

Days are getting realli lesser n lesser each days.. She'll be headin back to tw in 5 days time.. At 1st was 2 days in sg but nw it extend to another 8 days more.. I do have more time to spend wif her and bring her ard n i'm even more glad that my dad sae he want to treat her n cash for dinner.. Coz it create another chance for me to be wif her..

There is good and bad when she stay longer in sg.. Good thing is I'll be able to spend more time wif her, bad thing is when she leave sg it'll be hard for me as those moments spend are too much.. Her flight is on fri morning 7am and i guess she will be at the airport at 5am, mostly i will be sending her and i guess i will be stayin overnight at the airport on thur night.. In this case, i'll be on time to send her off.. I guess my mood will drop totally when she leave that day, sorry if i get real moody ! After she leave, weekends i throw myself back to work.. This is the same old way to keep myself busy again .. I dunnoe hw to describe my feelin toward her, the feeling towards her is not like the same feelin toward Nee.. But to me she is still important but the feelin is just diff.. If nee is 1st, i guess she will be 2nd..

LuLu @ Sentosa wif Merlion

Next will be Cash

Luckly she dun have my blog link and pray she will nv have it coz all this stuff are nt meant for her to see.. I stil wanna be in contact wif her and dun wanna lose her..

我寂寞寂寞就好 這時候誰都別來安慰 擁抱

24/8/10

寂寞寂寞就好

還是原來那個我 不過撂掉幾公升淚所以變瘦
對著鏡子我承諾 遲早我會換這張臉應對笑容
不算什麼 愛錯就愛錯 早點認錯 早一點解脫

我寂寞寂寞就好 這時候誰都別來安慰 擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了 傷到 快瘋掉 死不了就還好
我寂寞寂寞就好 你真的不用來我回憶裡 微笑
我就不相信我會笨到 忘不了賴著 不放掉 人本來就寂寞的
借來的都該還掉 我總會把你戒掉

還是原來那個你 是我自己做夢你又改變什麼
再多的愛也沒用 每個人有每個人的業障因果
會有什麼 什麼都沒有 早點看破 才看的見以後

我寂寞寂寞就好 這時候誰都別來安慰 擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了 傷到 快瘋掉 死不了就還好
我寂寞寂寞就好 你真的不用來我回憶裡 微笑
我就不相信我會笨到 忘不了
賴著 不放掉 人本來就寂寞的 我總會把你戒掉

28/7/10

Days are gettin lesser each days.. I left wif 2 more days at work.. Bth weekends off, so i will enjoy my off day from sat all de way till 6th aug.. Yest went down-hill wif lulu and kaze for steamboat dinner.. Good dinner and great chat ! I wan more gatherin wif OBT peepo like 小妞，小琪，小眼，kai ning, LuLu,小柚 and more to list.. Yest manage to gif 小眼 a belated b'day surprise :)) Yest did a presentation for OBT staff and i did kind of hold back the thing i wanna sae, as i noe once i sae all out, i wil be emotional and that it...

Recently follow quite a few days of program for 静修女中, it's a gal sch.. Before i follow the program, some of my colleagues told me quite alot of them are abit bimbo ! Some of them are abit bimbo and there are some that are quite pretty n sweet too hahaha.. And when they noe or hear from someone that i'm actually not Taiwanese and i'm from Singapore, all of them just like come to me and: Ah dang 你是新加坡人啊？And then they will continue to ask n ask.. Today 1 of them even ask me: Do singapore haf handsome guys ? Hahaha.. Today when we are doing 1 activities like giving everyone a hi 5 or say thank to each other, lots of them are like Ah dang ah dang and they hi 5 till damn high.. I was like abit shocked coz they soo high.. When they are about to leave, for those that will in my group came n ask me ah dang可以跟你拍照吗？I'm like:可以阿.. Some of them ask for my msn n FB and 1 even ask me for my phone no ? I'm like phone no ?? In de end, i gif msn n my FB name coz phone no, abit weird ahh for me haa.. B4 they leave, 1 gal came n ask me ah dang：可以拍你吗？ I'm like: 拍我？ And she sae ya, can i haf ur individual pic? I'm like ohh okay can.. Feel kind of weird when she ask me that haaa.. And when they leave usually all of us will stand near the door n sae bye to them and i did that too, for today all of them came to me and like ah dang ah dang bye bye and all gif me hi 5 or hi 10 again ! Out of sudden i feel like i'm like star hahaha.. All of them are very 热情 and i do enjoy the lesson today and last week alot :) Tml wil be my last day of followin program, may it be a great wan :))

Yest i guess i do smth silly again when i went out wif her.. Yest when we will crossing the road, she drop something on the road and it roll into the middle of the road, and when i saw that i straight away went out and pick up the stuff for her and I did not even think twice whether is there any car or wad ? When she saw me went out to pick her stuff, she shouted ah dang(AD) 小心车！And when i pass her the stuff, she was like 你要小心啦，有车！I'm like 没关系 :) Yest I bought 1 small bottle and she asked me: why u buy this bottle or container? I'm like ohhh i intend to put stuff.. And i bought it coz i wanna put stuff and gif it to her b4 i leave.. She also ask me: so did u use ur material to make card that u bought that time ? I'm like ohhh stil doing and actually i alreadi make hers le.. And she sae next yr she wil come sg :)

Days r super near but stil pray for me that everything will go smoothly for the few days i left here :))

哭了又哭，想了又想 看了又看 聽了又聽 說了又說, 最後還是輸給了自己..