My Secret Garden

I noe i had been away for long and finally i'm back to here.. My secret garden :) I try to avoid doing alot of thing that might cause ppl to think that i still have feeling for her like not wishing her on her FB wall and purposely not to be the 1st few to wish her.. I noe that de reason i'm doing all this thing is to avoid stuff and make myself feel that she's nt as impt anymore but i guess I fail as she's still as impt, maybe a very impt yet special fren :)

I send her a b'day msg juz nw at 8 plus and she thought that tis year I forget abt it as i'm usually the 1st few to msg her every year.. I nv actually thought that she would rem that i'm always the 1st few to wish her and she even thought that i forget abt it.. How could I have forget abt it, i'll nv forget abt it.. Ever since de 1st day i noe her, 1st feb 1986 is alreadi saved in my memory and it could nt be deleted anymore..

I did send a b'day card to your house, i hope u'll received it and u'll like it.. Tis year i choose to do smth different and that is to send wishes to u via post ! Eventually i'm still the 1st few to wish u, as i wrote the wishes on 28th jan and i send de card out on 29th jan so i'm still the 1st :) hahahaha.. And i will be the last to wish u also later like wad i've told you juz nw over the smses . No matter wad happen, u noe that whenever u nid me i'll always be there for you :) I hope nth will change between us, i'm happy at least we stil sms n msn each other and will find time to meet each other.. Thank for everything for all this year, i appreciate u, nee :)

你不需要再跟別人去爭奇鬥艷 在我心裡你永遠是最美的夏天
不管季節怎麼變　我都會在你身邊 愛你聽你把你給寵上天

16/11/10

Updates will be made soon :) Recently been busy wif stuff :) PEACE

有時候

有時候，莫名的心情不好，不想和任何人說話，只想一個人靜靜的發呆。有時候，突然覺得心情煩躁，看什麼都覺得不舒服，心裏悶的發慌，拼命想尋找一個出口。有時候，發現身邊的人都不瞭解自己，面對著身邊的人，突然覺得說不出話。有時候，感覺自己與世界格格不入，曾經一直堅持的東西一夜間面目全非。有時候，突然很想逃離現在的生活，想不顧一切收拾自己簡單的行李去流浪。有時候，別人突然對你說，我覺得你變了，然後自己開始百感交集。有時候，希望時間為自己停下，做完己還沒來得及做的事情。有時候，想一個人躲起來脆弱， 不願別人看到自己的傷口。有時候，突然很想哭，卻難過的哭不出來。有時候，夜深人靜，突然覺得不是睡不著，而是固執地不想睡。

有時候，走過熟悉的街角，看到熟悉的背影，突然就想起一個人的臉。有時候，明明自己心裏有很多話要說，卻不知道怎樣表達。有時候，覺得自己擁有著整個世界，一瞬間卻又覺得自己其實一無所有。真的只是有時候，明明自己身邊很多朋友，卻依然覺得孤單。有時候，很想放縱自己，希望自己痛痛快快歇斯底里的發一次瘋。

有時候，突然找不到自己，把自己丟的無影無蹤。有時候，心裏突然冒出一種厭倦的情緒，覺得自己很累很累。有時候，看不到自己未來的樣子，迷茫的不知所措。有時候，發現自己一夜之間長大了。
有時候，聽到一首歌，就會突然想起一個人。有時候，希望能找個人好好疼愛自己，渴望一種安全感。可當那個可以疼你的人出現的時候，你卻偏執地退隱。有時候，別人誤解了自己有口無心的一句話，心裏鬱悶的發慌。

有時候，被別人傷害，嘴上講沒事，其實心裏難過的要死。有時候，常常在回憶裏掙扎，有很多過去無法釋懷。有時候，很容易感動別人的關懷，有時候卻麻木的像個笨蛋。有時候，看著時間一點點流逝，任憑歎息，自己卻無能為力。

其實，有時候，真的會想這麼多。跟朋友裝沉默，跟陌生人講心裏話。對於在乎你的，不想讓他們擔心，有時候，沒有消息就是一種好消息。其實，很想說“我很好”，或許是昧著心說謊，也只是想把最燦爛的一面，

丟了自己，要記得撿回來。

27/9/10

我不知道現在的心情是什麼...

總是隔了很久才打日記總是隔了許久才領悟某些事情，我們總是隔了很久以後才記得該去喜歡自己.. 想把自己關起來一陣子去沈澱一下最近的喜歡和不喜歡..

沒什麼事情要特別去做，只是想著有沒有機會去牽起某雙手.. 好像對於這世界又感到冷漠了，這極端的性格.. 簡單的過其實很困難，像是快樂是種感覺卻很難去達到

我不要你走 我不想放手 却又不能够奢求 同情的温柔 你可以自由 我愿意承受 把昨天 留给我

爱情 ?

若不是因为爱着你 怎么会夜深还没睡意
每个念头都关於你我想你想你好想你

若不是因为爱着你 怎会有不安的情绪
每个莫名的日子里我想你想你好想你

爱是折磨人的东西却又舍不得这样放弃
不停揣测你的心里可有我姓名

爱是我唯一的秘密让人心碎却又着迷
无论是用什么言语只会(只会)思念你

若不是因为爱着你 怎会不经意就叹息
有种不完整的心情爱你爱你(爱着你)

3/9/10

I dunnoe wad's wrong with me.. Out of sudden, i feel soo empty.. My heart seems so empty.. I dun like tis feeling.. I have no mood to do anything and i just wan to talk to someone right now, or i just need some accompany.. I start to miss her already, i need time again to be back to normal.. I know she had reach hm alreadi, and i also hope she could online soon..

走不過的就停擺在那裏，逃不過的又不認命只想輸給自己卻贏不了自己。當你看著眼前的無底洞許久只會越感好奇隨時都會往下墜，而你又怪誰? 我們一直在人生中尋找太多答案，而當我們要到了這些所謂的答案，是妳想聽見的看見的嗎? 還是結局是哭喪著臉笑自己這些年來這麼愚蠢可悲的盲目追求那些自找麻煩的枷鎖，卻是早已是分裂成灰的結。

怕過於轟烈嗎?還是過度沉靜?

30/8/10

Days are getting realli lesser n lesser each days.. She'll be headin back to tw in 5 days time.. At 1st was 2 days in sg but nw it extend to another 8 days more.. I do have more time to spend wif her and bring her ard n i'm even more glad that my dad sae he want to treat her n cash for dinner.. Coz it create another chance for me to be wif her..

There is good and bad when she stay longer in sg.. Good thing is I'll be able to spend more time wif her, bad thing is when she leave sg it'll be hard for me as those moments spend are too much.. Her flight is on fri morning 7am and i guess she will be at the airport at 5am, mostly i will be sending her and i guess i will be stayin overnight at the airport on thur night.. In this case, i'll be on time to send her off.. I guess my mood will drop totally when she leave that day, sorry if i get real moody ! After she leave, weekends i throw myself back to work.. This is the same old way to keep myself busy again .. I dunnoe hw to describe my feelin toward her, the feeling towards her is not like the same feelin toward Nee.. But to me she is still important but the feelin is just diff.. If nee is 1st, i guess she will be 2nd..

LuLu @ Sentosa wif Merlion

Next will be Cash

Luckly she dun have my blog link and pray she will nv have it coz all this stuff are nt meant for her to see.. I stil wanna be in contact wif her and dun wanna lose her..

我寂寞寂寞就好 這時候誰都別來安慰 擁抱