1 years

I had been bloggin here for 1 year alreadi.. Time passes like soo fast ! I read this on someone blog and i totally agree wif it : in relationship, is nt the breakin part that hurt u but it the after effect of missing special someone in yr life that make it really unbearable.. Don't u guys agree to it as well ?

爱不再重要，坚强的安慰自己我会更好 。。

30/12/09

To all my fren: I noe u guys are worried abt me, u guys noe dat i'm nt happy at all and i'm still sad over some issue.. U guys dun wanna ask me abt dat as u guys are afraid that I might get even more sad n emo.. I noe u guys cared abt me and hope that i could be more happier each days.. I'm sorry to let u guys down, i'm nt truly happy.. I pretend n act as if i'm happy or gettin happier each days.. But when i'm out wif u guys durin those gatherin n outing, i do really enjoy myself but is just those time when i'm alone dat the feelin is diff.. Just like yest, i realli enjoy myself at de steamboat session wif ah ju, ah oon n minhui :)

Ever since that day, I noe my blog post had been very emo n sad.. Maybe some of u will blame her for dat, but pls dun blame her coz it's nt her fault.. It myself, it me dat could not let it go or face it.. Ernica once told me: Maybe u wil haf to wait for de next person to come into ur life dan u'll be able to forget her.. Maybe ernica is right abt tis, but it hard as well as i dun think i'll open up to others so easily again ...

吃不能吃，睡不能睡，没有了你 好想全都不对，我都学不会 把爱敷衍。。笑不能笑 哭不敢哭 人不像人， 朋友都说这不过失恋 但我连呼吸都胆怯。。能不能不爱了 因为爱太痛了，我痛到快死了 却无法把你忘了。。也许我只是多余的。。

受了伤却不投降 相信付出会有代价（代价竟是一句傻瓜）

Merry X'mas

Merry Christmas to you, her n everyone ! Thing is still as usual, nt much changes.. Busy wif thing almost everyday.. Maybe i just dun like de feelin of being so free as i might feel empty..

既然我不能坦然地面对，那我只好避开，躲开，逃避或假装下去... 本来以为自己能够放下，认为是时候了，但事实是我依然还是做不到...

The fact is, after so many thing happen.. I dun hate her, i dun blame her at all.. I am just frustrated wif the thing happening.. I just dun like de thing that is happening.. I dun understand y she have to say all those thing at that point of time ? It's stil hurt and it's still bothering me.. But I chose to keep eveything as i do not wish to talk abt it anymore.. I dun wan to speak or talk anything abt her, i choose to avoid n hide.. That de onli way to make me feel better, I guess soo ...

呼吸刺痛着心跳，你 要我怎么笑 ？

21/12/09

今天莫名其妙的回想起以前的事，想起那时候第一次我们牵手的事候。。那感觉很特别很奇妙，是我从来都没有过的。。我也很想知道那时候她到底有什么感受，她心里在想什么 ？就在那瞬间我们就这样的牵起了彼此的手，就这样走着。。那是我们第一次一起出门。。这一切都好像一场梦，我好希望我永远都不要醒来，就永远的在那美好的梦里。。也许我真的还放不过我自己吧。。

如果忘记一个人要好几年，那爱的后坐力真的好玄， 时间也慢慢的告诉我 那是没有期限的。。我虽然说了再见，但我依然活在从前。。不是说好了吗，我们还会是好朋友？ 这么现在好像都变了，不一样了。。说好了不哭了，眼泪也不准滴下，但眼泪还是滴下了。。

累了，该睡了。。拜，晚安了。。

12/12/09

Happie 21st B'day Cashier !! Gonna meet up wif her when she is back from her HK TRIP ! Miss her alot alot :) So glad that we would be able to meet up :) Actually i gt alot of thing in my mind to type here but out of sudden i dunnoe hw shld i start ?

And Mum bought me 1 mickey from HK disneyland shop :) it soo cute n i will go US disneyland to get a much more bigger wan (if everything go smoothly for de US trip)

永远没有勇气面对的问题，问题就这样 一直一直一直盘旋在天空... 于是，天灰了，也哭了.. 如果你问我疼吗 ？ 即时痛到心里了，我还是用最残酷的方式在安慰自己.. 就这样了吧，晚安 !

倒带

我在幸福的门外 却一直都进不来 你累计给的伤害 我是真的很难释懐.. 过去甜蜜在倒带 只是感觉已经不再了 ..

I had not been listenin to 倒带 for quite sometime, as whenever i hear this songs, it remind me of her again.. When we 1st know each other, we listen to this songs together when i was accompany her at NS to help her wif her work stuff.. Yest my sis ask abt her, i did not really wan to talk much abt dat.. My reply was very short like: hmm ya, take le, i dunnoe, how would i noe all this..

At the moment, i just wanna focus on my sch stuff my DOAL course thingy.. Not any other stuff :) But if i realli get choosen for the overseas attachment, i hope i can meet up wif her b4 i leave, juz a simple lunch or dinner as a fren..(:

我决定走掉 任眼泪狂飙 ..

8/12/09

Decide to give lesson skip tml as i'm dead tired n i nid my sleep !! I nid at least 8 to 10 hrs of slp, seriously !!

Today feel freakin unhappy wif some strangers, seriously what wrong wif me wearin that shirt uh ! Look at my shirt like as if dere is ghost or wadeva on my shirt !! What wrong wif de wordin on my tees uh, it just stated: NO MAN WORTH YOUR TEARS, THE ONE WHO DO, WON'T MAKE YOU CRY !! It just a t-shirt that all, is the wordin so matters to u guys, or u guys feel gulity abt dat uh !! Assholes, so wad wif me wearin dat shirt ? N the reason i buy that shirt is coz of the wordin, i like the sentence ! Specially bought it to let all my "GIRL"fren see n noe abt this n let them noe hw sucky n assholes is those MAN !! N if u happen to noe, this shirt is from NUM (New urban Male), Soo if a male shop is sellin this shirt that means even GUYS do agree to it !!! So juz live it, IDIOTS!! Next time if i wear that shirt out n fuckin u ppl gif me that kind of face, I will fuckin ask u guys: what wrong wif my damn shirt n hw can i help U idiots !

也许我不知道 你那儿最好 也许我不知道 你真的那么好 让我情牵忘也忘不了.. 哪我的思恋你又明了多少呢 ？我真的不想黑暗了，你知道吗 ？我不想黑暗了，我想在阳光地下，那你还愿意为我笑一个吗？

我不黑暗了，但也许我変沉了..

3/12/09

First post for the month of dec.. I seriously need alot of rest, almost everyday i overslept n could not wake up on time, every mornin for me = RUSH ! School,work and netball is killin me seriously.. School is de most tiring part as i wil be in class n outdoor as well, but i love every tue lesson as it is water based lesson and it is KAYAKING time !!! I love kayakin and tis is my fav new sports, even though after lesson i wil be dead tired but i enjoy it :) And i just cut n trim my hair, feel soo much better after trimin it :) I dunnoe whether is it a gd or bad news, anyway i'm selected for overseas IIP (overseas attachment) n if i'm realli gg i will be away from sg for i guess at least 2 to 3 months or maybe more than dat.. But thing are nt confirm yet as next wed i'm gg for interview..

The pressie had be left on my chair for quite sometime or i shld sae it had been dere ever since i gt it and i did nt touch it at all.. It is still nicely packed n placed in the plastic bag itself, everyday i had been seein it but i did nt even touch it at all.. Last present from her n i choose to do it tis way.. U may think that what is wrong with me ? I also dunnoe y too, maybe 1 fine day i will choose to do smth to it or maybe it will be dere till dunnoe when..

爱得很深，所以心会很痛 记忆还在我心中翻滚.. 是不是每一个人都像我一样笨呢 ？我也忘了这是第几次，一见你我就无法坚持.. 爱也让人失去了理智 心痛真的比快乐更真实吗 ？

反正到最后还是要面对这些，因为这些情绪只有自己知道.. 我累了，为什么累？ 是因为隐藏了太多太多了.. 最后我已经遗失的东西和我一直在寻找的原来就是我，对就是我自己.. 不满足的不是我的生活，不是我的家庭，更不是我的友情，而是我最内心的灵魂 ..

黑或白都找不到个绝对，全都是灰 ..